hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
