even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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