she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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