do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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