i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found your dick twin last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
