dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
