he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My life is pants optional.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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