You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to make a zoo with you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
