I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
