Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
