Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
