i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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