Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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