PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
