This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
