I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
