Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My vagina is very pro this idea
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