ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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