Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
