I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
