i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
