Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
