Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
