just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
