he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Small penises have feelings too.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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