YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
