I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
