Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
