i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
