Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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