Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
