my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
