so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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