So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
