I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
