How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I deserve this hangover.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
