its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
