I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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