My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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