New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
