It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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