I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
