I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
