I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
