i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
