Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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