cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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