i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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