Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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