ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
