He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
