His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
