your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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