some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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