dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
