some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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