so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
