Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
