I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
