I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
