Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
