He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
