the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
