I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
