Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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