all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
